I had talked about starting the Ex Factor for quite some time before I actually did. I would even write a few ‘test’ posts and run them by friends beforehand. During this process, Mav was going through a tough stretch with his ex. I asked him to write me a blog post. Below is what he wrote. Even though it was written awhile ago, it’s still worth sharing. Enjoy.
POKES, PRODS AND THE EXPENSE OF PRINCIPLES
“She’s completely bent out of shape and wants to back out of the Marital Settlement Agreement.” The email just about threw me over the edge. Poke. Poke. Poke.
Seven months after she unceremoniously walked out. Six months after we jointly filed for divorce. Five months after promising my daughters she wasn’t leaving them, that she would stay in frequent contact with them. Four months after she blamed me for the death of her precious, yet incontinent cat (that she had left in our care while she galavanted abroad). Three months after my oldest daughter stood up to her about her inconsistency and hurtful actions. Two months after she returned to the States and realized she had to actually deal with the reality of the divorce. One month after we had signed our Settlement Agreement and scheduled our final divorce hearing. Four days prior to the hearing…..and she wanted to back out of the agreement.
The issue? Apparently it was unreasonable for the Evil One, a.k.a., yours truly, to question why she had no taxes withheld since our separation and now expected my taxes paid to cover hers with our tax return.
Her alternative resolution? Oh wait, she didn’t have one. She just didn’t like mine.
Long story short…I contemplated returning to square one and playing hard ball. With a no-holds barred, gloves off battle, she would most certainly have come out worse than ever, financially and emotionally. And, boy, it would have been so incredibly satisfying for me to drag her through the mud. Alas, as my family lawyer thankfully pointed out, “Principles are expensive.”
This is why I love my lawyer. He’d likely thoroughly enjoy the strategy and tactics of a drawn out legal battle. And he’d certainly benefit monetarily from it, but he cautioned against it for my own financial benefit. Good sense prevailed and we communicated to opposing counsel that we would simply move forward with the original MSA.
Never one to cede control over anything, my soon-to-be ex responded that there would now be additional conditions to moving forward. I braced at the sound of that….what would be coming now?
“She wants one of the two Crate and Barrel bookshelves and two of the four utility shelves.” I blinked. Seriously? These were the conditions? I’d been willing to part with them months ago, but she’d had no interest. Now, on the eve of our divorce, shelving units had become a bargaining chip?
“Three shelves in exchange for a divorce?” I asked my family lawyer. “Gladly.”
So, the hearing is on. Courtroom 4B at 8:45 a.m. Monday morning. By 9:00 a.m., I’ll be officially divorced. But will the poking end? Probably not. It’s her M.O. It’s who she is, and what she does.
Yet, it will be a major hurdle on the path to rebuilding my life. And it’s a terrific life I’m creating these days. The pokes and prods are merely the exchange for my future happiness.
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