How to Help Your Friend During Divorce

You don’t always have to know the right thing to say — just being a good friend who’s there is often enough.

Nothing is as heartbreaking as watching someone you really care about experience divorce or the breakup of a long-term relationship. These are life-altering events, and they almost always result in the person going through a messy grieving process in order to pick up the pieces and move on. Of course you want to be a good, reliable friend, but what exactly does that entail?We asked Deborah Moskovitch, a divorce consultant and educator and author of the book The Smart Divorce(Chicago Review Press, 2007), to share her tips on helping a friend weather the divorce storm.1. If you didn’t like her ex, keep it to yourself 
People can make off-the-cuff remarks that can be really hurtful. For instance: “I never liked him in the first place,” or “You’re better off without that loser,” says Bates. “These comments can trigger your friend’s own insecurities, and make her feel ashamed for being with her ex.”If you bad-mouth her ex, your friend may internalize your comments and think they reflect on her. You could be doing more harm than good, so avoid using put-downs or confessing how you really feel about her ex. “With time, the divorced couple may become amicable and you’ll have said things that can’t be unsaid,” Bates reminds us.

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