Out of the closet: support for the straight spouse


(Last Updated On: July 10, 2021)
National Coming Out Day

Just because your spouse came out of the closet, doesn’t mean you have to go in.  What to do if you’re the straight spouse and your husband or wife declares he/she is gay.

I have had several individuals in my divorce coaching practice tell me that their spouse declared they were gay. They felt alone – but this is not a rare event. While Canadian figures are not available, conservative estimates indicate that roughly two million lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) individuals in the United States have married someone of the opposite sex. When these partners come out of the closet, one third of these relationships break up right away, a third stay together for a year and then separate, and another third commit to making it work – although three years later, only half of this last group of relationships are still intact.

Getting through these issues and feelings, and effectively coping can take anywhere from 3 – 6 years to properly heal. Statistics indicate that it takes one year of healing for every five years of marriage. And, once this process takes place, for many, there is a realization that their partner really did marry them out of love, and not to hide in a closet — they fully intended to make it work. So, while these couples cannot be lovers, perhaps they can still be good friends.

Roughly two million lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) individuals in the United States have married someone of the opposite sex.  When these partners come out of the closet, one third of these relationships break up right away, a third stay together for a year and then separate, and another third commit to making it work – although three years later, only half of this last group of relationships are still intact. Our guest Amity Buxton. Ph.D. http://www.straightspouse.org/home.php , discusses the grieving and healing process the straight spouse experiences upon learning of this revelation.

Topics include:

  • When a spouse comes out how it impacts the family
  • The six stages of recovery
  • Children’s reaction to a their parents financial disclosure
  • Understanding the healing journey

To hear this interview click here

Related posts:

Out of the Closet support in The Huffington PostOpens in a new tab..

Out of The Closet Support for The Straight SpouseOpens in a new tab.

Roughly two million lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) individuals in the United States have married someone of the opposite sex.  When these partners come out of the closet, one third of these relationships break up right away, a third stay together for a year and then separate, and another third commit to making it work – although three years later, only half of this last group of relationships are still intact.

Deborah Moskovitch

This blog post was written by Deborah Moskovitch the author of "The Smart Divorce", the catalyst for this website. This evergreen book covers how to manage the divorce process for a less painful result.

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