The Doyennes of Divorce: Empowering Women Through Separation

Divorce, as an event, often reshapes one’s life significantly. I can testify to this, as my life underwent a massive transformation after my divorce. This marked change led me on a path I never thought possible during the early days of my separation. A divorce is a rich and fertile hunting ground for opportunities to learn and grow from. As the author of The Smart Divorce, and as a successful Divorce Consultant and Author, my experience has allowed me to redefine my life after divorce and provide hope for others going through the same journey.

Here is an excerpt from More magazine featuring three courageous women, including myself, who are reshaping the narrative around divorce and assisting others along the way.

The doyennes of divorce

Meet Deborah Moskovitch, a 51-year-old woman from Toronto, whose book, The Smart Divorce, was published in 2007 after enduring her own tumultuous seven-year-long divorce. As she was navigating the complex process of divorce, she began receiving phone calls from friends, relatives, and even strangers seeking advice. This was when she had a sense that there was a need for people to understand the intricacies of the divorce process itself.

As a response, this mother of three established a divorce consulting business in 2006. Her marketing strategies included a well-managed website and strategically cultivated media contacts, leading her to become a sought-after authority on divorce matters for the media. She has made appearances on various platforms like the Globe and Mail, the television program Money Maze, and on more.ca. This elevated profile offered her a steady influx of clients.

Guiding people through divorce

Bates doesn’t have a background in marriage counseling or family law; her roots are in marketing. However, her seminars and consulting sessions provide vital assistance to individuals navigating the complex world of divorce — from making tough decisions about processes and lawyers to managing mental health and parenting. Bates maintains a comprehensive list of mental health professionals, parenting experts, and family lawyers to provide referrals as needed. Primarily, she guides her clients through their divorces, keeping their interests at the forefront. Among her pearls of wisdom is the crucial realization that revenge cannot be found in court; only legal bills can.

Bates has recently connected with large companies and government organizations to offer divorce workshops and private consultations to their employees. Her book, currently in its second printing, often sells in bulk to the experts she interviewed for it, who then distribute it to their clients. While she may not be exceptionally rich, she views her journey as evolving. Bates recently realized her dream of hosting a radio talk show aimed at helping people embrace a life reconfigured by divorce.

The Smart Split

Divorce is rampant. We are reminded of it every time we glance at the tabloid headlines at the supermarket checkout or when it personally touches us, as when our parents end their long-standing marriage or when our own first marriage meets an untimely end. It’s invariably a challenging process, characterized by custody disputes, financial quarrels, and bitterness, often leaving one partner at a disadvantage.

Divorce is invariably heartbreaking — it represents the end of a journey we never wanted to embark upon in the first place.

Thus, talking about having a “successful divorce” may seem unrealistic, like a fanciful concept borrowed from an over-optimistic self-help book. However, it’s entirely possible, says Deborah Moskovitch, who survived a seven-year divorce and wrote The Smart Divorce: A Team Approach to Managing the Issues of Divorce.

“Approaching divorce smartly really means moving forward with hope and confidence,” she says.

Bates will be in town on Thursday, participating in a seminar aimed at helping couples understand the resources available to them during the process of separation and divorce. Hiring a good family lawyer seems like an obvious choice, but beware: getting your legal affairs in order is only a part of the puzzle.

“You’ve got to rebuild your life,” she adds.

“Divorce is so common today that people underestimate its power and the intensity of the emotions it evokes.”

As per Statistics Canada in 2008, it is estimated that 39% of marriages in Canada will end by the couple’s 30th wedding anniversary. The percentage is slightly higher in the United States, at 44%, but still falls short of the commonly quoted “half of all marriages end in divorce” statistic.

Considering these numbers, anyone finding themselves on the path to divorce should equip themselves with knowledge about this life-altering event before emotions overwhelm them.

The Herald spoke with three divorce experts who will be speaking at the seminar, gathering tips for navigating divorce successfully.

Final Thoughts

In the glitzy awards ceremonies of life, divorce often feels like a grim statistic, a war that no one wishes to wage. Yet, as we’ve seen, it can also be a fertile hunting ground for personal growth and self-discovery. The strange work schedules of marriage and relationships, the endless jet setting between happiness and despair, can indeed have a limited shelf life. But it’s in this very chaos that we find our strength, just like Deborah Moskovitch and countless others have.

The VIP areas of life aren’t just about the looks department or the hooks ups at A-list parties. They’re about finding love in oneself, embracing the age-old wisdom that we are more than our relationships, more than our partners. It’s about understanding that even in the face of Hollywood’s grim divorce statistics, there’s hope. There’s always hope.

The unfair advantage that life sometimes seems to have can be daunting. Enlarged egos, film sets of unrealistic expectations, and the constant pressure to commit can lead to a sense of living on borrowed time. But remember, every end is a new beginning. Every hooks up’s end is the start of a journey towards self-love.

In the words of Laura Wasser, “Divorce is the end of a chapter, not the end of the story.” So, whether you’re a husband, a wife, a child, or a friend affected by divorce, remember to embrace the change. It’s not about who’s right or wrong, rich or poor. It’s about dealing with the change, making sense of the new normal, and moving forward.

As we close this decade of our lives, let’s not forget that every relationship, every marriage, has its own unique shelf life. And when that shelf life ends, it’s not a failure. It’s just life, in all its unpredictable, tumultuous glory.

So, here’s to finding love, to embracing change, and to living life on our own terms. Here’s to the hope that even in the face of California’s famous divorce statistics, we can still find our way to a blessed life. Here’s to the courage to behave differently, to challenge the norms, and to create our own paths. Because at the end of the day, that’s what matters the most.

Remember, you’re not alone. You’re part of a community, a member of a tribe of resilient individuals who’ve faced the same challenges. So, let’s take a deep breath, step into the unknown, and embrace the rest of our lives with open arms. Because we’re not just surviving, we’re thriving. And that’s something truly worth celebrating.

At The Smart Divorce:

We understand that you’ve arrived at this page because you’re facing a significant life change. Divorce is not just a legal process; it’s a human experience, one that can be incredibly challenging and emotionally draining. But remember, it’s also an opportunity for personal growth and self-discovery.

Our team of professionals at The Smart Divorce have walked this path, reshaping our lives and emerging stronger. We’ve turned our experiences into a resource for others, providing guidance and support to those navigating the complexities of divorce. We believe in the power of knowledge and understanding to help you move forward with hope and confidence.

We know that every story is unique, every journey different. But one thing remains the same: you are not alone. You’re part of a community of resilient individuals who’ve faced the same challenges. We’re here to help you navigate this new chapter of your life, keeping your interests at the forefront and providing you with the resources you need to rebuild.

So, take a deep breath. Embrace the change. You’re not just surviving; you’re thriving. And that’s something truly worth celebrating.

Ready to take the next step? Schedule a Get Acquainted Call with us. Let’s explore how we can support you on this journey.