Out of court divorce | You Have Choices!

Out of court divorce
Source: DailyMail.uk

I recently got the pleasure to see a sneak peek of Joe Sorge’s documentary Divorce CorpOpens in a new tab.. Divorce Corp. is billed as a “shocking exposé of the inner workings of the $50 billion a year divorce industrial complex – Divorce Corp. throws a bright light on the horrific waste and unscrupulous collusive methods observed every day in family courts.”

Divorce CorpOpens in a new tab. presents a very limited view of certain really poor consequences, which I don’t believe are common. As a result, a viewer unfamiliar with the inner workings of the divorce process may get an incorrect impression of what actually happens. For example, the documentary claims that the only way to reach an Ontario separation agreement is to go to court.

How does out of court divorce work?

Alternative Dispute ResolutionsOpens in a new tab. (ADRs) or Consensual Dispute Resolutions (CDRs) are further options. Negotiation, Mediation, Collaborative Family Law, and arbitration are some of these options. The problem is that we live in an adversarial, arguing culture where most people believe that going to court is the only option to resolve a disagreement. The truth is that you don’t have to, and many divorce lawyers advise their clients to avoid going to court. The reality is that people going through divorce have more influence over their results if they opt to stay out of court, allowing them to make their own decisions rather than having them made for them by a judge.

How long can a spouse drag out a divorce?

Divorce Corp. does not present a balanced view of divorce; rather, it is excessively biassed. Like many of the people in the film, I went through a long, drawn-out divorce that lasted more than seven years. Unlike these litigants, though, I do not place all of the blame on family lawyersOpens in a new tab. (at least not mine) and courts. Even so, there were some difficult times! Yes, I agree that the system is riddled with faults. The costs of going to court were quite high, both financially and emotionally. But I don’t hold the system entirely responsible; my ex-husband and I were also partially to blame because we were caught up in the “emotional divorce.”

What are the stages of divorce?

The emotional divorce and the legal divorce are two sides of the same coin to navigate. Divorce is Emotional, and if not properly controlled, it might derail the legal process. While it would be ideal if the two elements could be handled separately—you could spend a few years dealing with the emotional issues, then go through the legal process with your heart and mind clear—the truth is that emotions and legal processes cannot be clinically separated, and must usually be managed simultaneously. What was the end result? You’re forced to make judgments when you’re least emotionally capable of doing so; when you’re least emotionally capable of properly evaluating your options; when you’re least capable of asking your legal counsel the critical questions. Most significantly, they are the least able to evaluate options clearly, causing them to react rather than respond with a clear knowledge of the long-term consequences.

While there are many excellent family lawyers, judges, and custody assessors, there are also some that are less than ideal. However, we cannot blame all poor consequences on a few bad apples. However, one beneficial aspect of the film is that it promotes discussion on divorce, the legal system, the best interests of children, the expense of divorce, and other topics.

What should be discussed during this meeting? The requirement for a significant shift in the way divorce is handled as a legal process. In order to profoundly impact society – and hence reshape attitudes for happier and healthier, positive outcomes – a wholesale shift to practically every facet of the divorce process is required. To put it another way, instead of becoming an adversarial and combative culture, let us become a settlement-oriented society. For this reason, I created The Smart Divorce and became a divorce coach, and I was encouraged to look for less painful ways to handle the divorce process and share what I found with others. Now, I help clients achieve more positive results from their divorces, resulting in a better and healthier future.

What is the negative effects of divorce?

Divorce has a large societal ripple effect; it affects more than just the transitioning family; its tentacles and consequences are far-reaching. There are hard costs that can be measured in cash, as well as soft costs that can be documented through research – as well as unquantifiable social costs.

On a scale of stressful life events, divorce, for example, comes in second only to the death of a spouse or kid. It can manifest itself in the workplace as lost time, increased errors, and stifled innovation. Employees that are angry may reflect their frustrations onto coworkers or consumers. The productivity of an employee can take up to 5 years to recover. Furthermore, I heard somewhere that 50% of women and 30% of men are still angry 10 years after their divorce! It’s no surprise, given that many people are pushed to make decisions when they are emotionally unprepared.

In addition to the effects and distresses of divorce, which have been highlighted in much of the research in terms of poverty and the impact of divorce on children/adult children, it is also crucial to note the number of children whose relationship with a parent changes radically. This could be due to parental abandonment or estrangement, fatherlessness, or the loss of a single parent role model; it’s a major worry because it could harm the following generation. How do you think this generation of kids will view relationships and commitments? Will the number of marriages, divorces, and cohabitations rise or fall as a result of this?

The consequences of parenting challenges following a divorce can be severe and long-lasting. Maintaining relationships with their children as they grow older and into adolescence when peers are sometimes more essential than parent time, is a challenge for some parents.

Divorce has ramifications that go beyond financial. It’s about the people, not just the procedure, and how it affects them.

Divorce has Ramifications

With each successive marriage, the divorce rate growsOpens in a new tab., reaching over 60% for a second marriage and over 70% for a third; evidently, the third time is not the charm. Furthermore, many people who remarry choose to live together, and research has shown that the rate of breakup in these relationships is higher than in marriage.

So, how can you prevent the terrible outcomes shown in Divorce Corp.? You are in command and have the ability to make decisions. What really is the truth? You make the call!

You have control over the outcome if you stay out of court. With knowledge and education, you can empower yourself. You have options other than going to court. Make use of them.

You have the authority to decide what is in your children’s best interests if you co-parentOpens in a new tab. respectfully. You will have a long-term relationship with your ex lover, whether you like it or not. Your children are entitled to a relationship with both parents, regardless of how you feel about your ex, and they should not be placed in the middle of your fight.

As Divorce Corp. says, we need to start talking about divorce and how it affects society. However, it is up to all of us – the general public as well as divorce experts – to transform the family justice culture. It is up to us to make the decision, and we must not allow a few bad apples to mar the experience for others who want to shift away from an adversarial system toward one that is far more courteous and honest. And while that conversation is going on, take charge now and arm yourself with knowledge and education so you can have a smart divorce, as I call it.

The second part of this conversation will focus on reforms to family justice.
People should be given a balanced perspective from a variety of professionals, in order to develop their own conclusions and make informed judgments regarding all elements of the divorce process, in my opinion.

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Deborah Moskovitch

This blog post was written by Deborah Moskovitch the author of "The Smart Divorce", the catalyst for this website. This evergreen book covers how to manage the divorce process for a less painful result.

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