Overcoming Jealousy

Emma Stone and Andrew Garfield: Overcoming Jealousy?
By Dr. Jane Greer

It’s rumored that lately actors Emma Stone and Andrew Garfield are having issues, stemming from the fact that Emma is close to her colleague Ryan Gosling. The possibility has spawned a lot of discussion about jealousy and how the celebrity couple might move forward from here. While the two of them have not addressed the situation publicly, additional rumors surfaced suggesting the pair have resolved the issue. It’s very important to tackle jealousy head-on rather than letting it simmer within the relationship. And your partner doesn’t have to be working with a movie star, as is the case for Emma and Andrew, for you to feel the green-eyed monster in full force. In fact, most people go through this at one time or another, especially if their loved one is working closely with someone who is attractive and smart. When this happens, it is hard not to be rattled by the possibility that they could fall for this person and you could wind up losing them. So, what can you do to keep your fear and jealousy from taking over, and possibly creating more of a problem with your relationship than actually exists?

First, recognize that acting jealous can actually cause tension between you that may drive you apart rather than bring you closer. If you are feeling threatened, you may accuse your lover of doing something he or she isn’t doing, lash out in anger, or just generally make things so unpleasant that you unwittingly push them away from you and possibly in the direction of the other person. The bottom line is that it is always uncomfortable knowing there are appealing men or women around whom your lover might come into contact with and find attractive. However, the real key to staying together happily is to focus on the connection you two share, rather than putting an emphasis on that perceived interloper. In other words, pay attention to ways to build on and strengthen your intimacy and closeness. If you are having problems over sex and/or money, for example, then now is a good time to invest your energy into problem solving and finding ways to compromise and resolve them, so that you can feel more confident, happy, and safe in your relationship. This way you use your energy productively to focus on considering and loving each other, rather than use it to act on your anxiety and possibly end up having it work against you..3

When you are in sync and feel harmonious, it can eliminate any room for someone else to come between you. It can also help to ask for reassurance, making sure to avoid placing blame but rather raising your concerns and giving your significant other the chance to bring clarity to what is actually going on that will help you feel better. Despite jealous feelings occurring, when you have a strong foundation and trust each other, you can feel secure that you are the person your partner wants to be with. Hopefully, that will be the case, too, for Emma and Andrew.

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