How do I prepare my kids for divorce?
According to research, too few parents sit down with their children and explain that their marriage is ending. They also discourage their kids from asking inquiries. Parents frequently remain silent, leaving their children perplexed. When parents fail to explain what is going on, their children get frightened, sad, and lonely, making it much more difficult for them to cope. Children don’t need to know why their parents are divorcing; what they do need to know is what it means to them and their lives.
Providing age-appropriate information will assist your children and teenagers in coping with the various changes that separation and divorce bring about in their lives. They will feel less worried as a result of it. It also builds a positive communication pattern with your children.
Will Divorce ruin the children
Children and teenagers are far more intelligent than we typically give them credit for. There is information that they will want to know and that you should communicate with them, such as;
The parenting strategy
If at all possible, attempt to come to an interim agreement about your living arrangements before speaking with your children. Although your plan may alter in the future, your children will feel more secure if they know you’ve thought about how the separation would affect them.
Reassurance
Make it clear to your children that they are equally important to both of you and that you both want to spend time with them. Assure your children that the divorce is between their parents, not their parents, and that you will always be their parents.
Answers to their inquiries are as follows
Consider what questions your children might ask and be prepared to respond. They’ll want to know if they’ll be able to go to the same school, visit their friends and extended relatives, and where each of you will be living, for example.
Talk about it with your children together:
It is beneficial for both parents to talk with their children at the same time. This sends a consistent message to them, demonstrating that you both love children and that, despite your divorce, you can and will work together and parent constructively. When talking to children together isn’t possible, try your best to coordinate what you’re saying to them and avoid putting your co-parent down or being nasty about them.
What to tell the kids about the divorce
When parents communicate to their children about their separation or divorce, there are a few things that you will most likely want them to hear:
- To avoid blaming one parent, it was a shared decision to separate.
- You, their parents, adore them and believe the divorce is not their fault.
- Give them realistic examples of what their life would be like.
- What will remain the same and what will change, for example.
Make an effort to offer your children with a sense of security and routine. Allow time for grieving: Don’t rush your children; give them space to process their feelings. Children, too, require time to grieve and adjust to their new circumstances. Allow your children to express any and all emotions, and reassure them that it is fine to do so. Also, assist your children in expressing their emotions and make them know that they may come to you with any questions.
Assist your youngster in comprehending the new world:
What will the new reality look like for your children? A family calendar should be displayed prominently or in your children’s rooms. Show your children that you care by assisting them in keeping track of when they will be at each of their respective homes. You want them to feel at ease in this new routine because they will be adjusting to life in two different houses.
Finally, don’t be hesitant to inform your children that while you, the parents, may not have all the answers, you are working together to achieve your goals.
On The Smart Divorce on Divorce Source Radio, I had the honour of speaking with Dr. Joan Kelly, a clinical psychologist and internationally acknowledged authority on divorce. We talked about what to keep in mind when telling your children about your separation or divorce. Any parent who wants to know what to say to their children should listen to this programme.
What is on the Podcast
[00:00:01] The Smart Divorce on Divorce Source Radio with Deborah Moskovitch
[00:01:02] The Impact of Divorce on Children and How to Navigate the Conversation
[00:03:18] Discussing Divorce with Children: Perspectives from Deborah Moskovitch and Joan Kelly
[00:04:03] Minimizing the Impact of Divorce on Children
[00:05:23] Discussing the Importance of Talking to Children about Divorce
[00:07:01] Helping Parents Navigate Divorce
[00:09:06] Discussing Effective Communication with Children During Divorce
[00:12:23] Divorce Experts Discuss How to Break the News to Children
[00:18:54] Discussing Support for Children and Families Amid Divorce
[00:20:02] Dealing with Divorce: Assisting Children Understand the Change in Relationship Between Parents
[00:24:40] Deborah Moskovitch and Joan Kelly Discuss Handling Change After Divorce to Minimize Impact on Children
[00:26:28] Discussing Separation with Kids: Key Aspects
[00:32:31] Discussion on Consultation with Divorced Parents
[00:33:09] Coping with Divorce while Living Together
[00:39:18] Discussing Children’s Responses to Divorce
[00:46:08] Mitigating the Negative Impact of Divorce on Children
[00:51:20] Discussing Divorce Plans and Parenting Plans with Deborah Moskovitch and Joan Kelly
Final Thoughts
Navigating the waters of getting divorced can be a tumultuous journey, especially when children are involved. It’s essential to provide them with as much information as is appropriate for their maturity level. Child arrangements discussions can be particularly challenging, and children may feel a whirlwind of emotions. From feeling guilty, thinking they might be the cause, to confusion about the future.
The best way to approach this is by helping children cope with the changes. Older children might have a different understanding and may need more detailed explanations, while young children need less detail but more reassurance. It’s crucial to talk openly without blaming the other parent or speaking negatively about them. This can be detrimental to a child’s mental health during such a difficult time.
Children, especially the younger ones, may react differently. Some might ask questions, seeking clarity, while others might withdraw. It’s essential to be observant of any warning signs in their behaviour and consider seeking advice from professionals in family law or psychology today.
Reassure children that while their parents may live apart, the love for them remains unchanged. Encourage them to express their feelings, and let them know it’s okay to feel sad or confused. Avoid using children to send messages back and forth between parents. Instead, focus on helping children cope by spending quality time with them, ensuring they understand that the parents’ divorce isn’t their fault.
In conclusion, while every family’s situation is unique, the overarching goal remains the same: to ensure the well-being of the children involved. By being attentive, understanding, and proactive, parents can pave the way for a smoother transition for their children during and after the divorce process.
At The Smart Divorce:
We recognize the emotional turmoil and uncertainty that comes with the decision to end a marriage, especially when children are involved. The journey you’ve embarked upon by visiting this page shows your commitment to ensuring the well-being of your children during this challenging time. Our team of professionals at The Smart Divorce is dedicated to guiding you through this process, offering insights, strategies, and compassionate support tailored to your unique situation.
Your children’s well-being is paramount, and while the road ahead may seem daunting, remember that you’re not alone. We’re here to help you navigate the complexities, ensuring that your children understand, adapt, and thrive in their new reality.
If you feel the need to discuss your concerns, seek advice, or simply share your story, we encourage you to reach out. Let’s work together to make this transition as smooth and positive as possible for your family.
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