Navigating the emotional storm of a marriage ending can be overwhelming. You may be asking yourself, “My marriage is over now what should I do now?” Our latest podcast and blog post delves into this complex question, providing a roadmap to help you navigate this challenging time. We discuss the practical steps you need to take, the emotional hurdles you may face, and the resources available to help you through this transition. Whether you’re dealing with the shock of a sudden split or the slow burn of a relationship that’s been deteriorating for years, this guide offers valuable insights and advice to help you move forward with strength and resilience.

Divorce can be a beginning.

Divorce can be a beginning. This statement may seem contradictory at first, as divorce is often associated with pain, loss, and the end of a relationship. However, when we delve deeper into the topic and explore the experiences of those who have gone through a divorce, we can see that it can indeed be a new beginning.

In this podcast, Deborah Moskovich, a divorce consultant, educator, and author, shares her own personal journey through divorce and her realization that she wanted to approach the process differently. She wanted to be a role model for her children and not let bitterness and anger define her post-divorce life.

Deborah’s experience led her to seek out experts in the field of divorce and learn from their wisdom. She discovered that being smart about divorce means removing emotion from the legal process and making decisions based on a cost-benefit analysis. She also emphasizes the importance of finding the right lawyer and effectively communicating with them to minimize legal bills and unnecessary conflict.

The idea that divorce can be a beginning is rooted in personal growth and transformation. When a marriage ends, it can be an opportunity for individuals to reflect on themselves, their needs, and their goals. It can be a time to rediscover one’s identity and pursue new passions and interests. Divorce can also catalyze change, prompting individuals to make positive adjustments in their lives and relationships.

Furthermore, divorce can lead to personal empowerment. It can be a time to take control of one’s own happiness and well-being. Instead of being stuck in an unhappy marriage, divorce allows individuals to prioritize their own needs and create a life that aligns with their values and desires. It can be a chance to build a stronger, more authentic version of oneself.

Of course, divorce is not without its challenges. It can be a difficult and emotionally draining process. However, by reframing divorce as a beginning rather than an end, individuals can approach it with a sense of hope and possibility. They can view it as an opportunity for personal growth, self-discovery, and creating a new and fulfilling life.

In conclusion, divorce can be a beginning. It is a chance for individuals to redefine their lives, prioritize their own happiness, and pursue personal growth. By approaching divorce with a mindset of opportunity and transformation, individuals can navigate the process with focus, hope, and confidence. Ultimately, divorce can be a stepping stone towards a brighter future.

Emotions fuel high-conflict divorces.

Emotions are a powerful force that can fuel high-conflict divorces. The podcast transcript highlights the various emotions that come into play during the divorce process, including anger, frustration, revenge, and betrayal. These intense emotions can lead individuals to act out in ways they later regret, causing further conflict and animosity between the parties involved.

One of the main contributing factors to high-conflict divorces is infidelity. Affairs can shatter trust and communication within a relationship, leading to a marriage breakdown. The discovery of an affair can ignite anger and betrayal, causing individuals to react negatively. The emotional intimacy shared with someone outside the marriage can also be a catalyst for conflict, as one partner feels neglected or ignored.

Financial infidelity is another factor that can contribute to high-conflict divorces. When couples do not share their financial information or deceive each other about their spending habits, it can lead to anger and frustration. Money is often a contentious issue in divorce, and the discovery of financial deception can further exacerbate the conflict between the parties.

The emotional rollercoaster of divorce is also highlighted in the podcast. The process is described as a kaleidoscope of emotions with many ups and downs. Individuals may feel like they are making progress, only to be setback by court appearances or legal battles. The emotional toll of divorce cannot be underestimated, and it takes time for individuals to heal and move on.

It is important to note that both men and women can experience high levels of emotion during divorce. The podcast mentions that in the speaker’s divorce consulting practice, there is an equal distribution of emotional outbursts between genders. This challenges the stereotype that women are more emotional during divorce, highlighting that both men and women can be deeply affected by the end of a marriage.

In conclusion, emotions play a significant role in fueling high-conflict divorces. Infidelity, financial deception, and the emotional toll of the divorce process all contribute to the intensity of emotions experienced by individuals. It is important for individuals going through a divorce to recognize and manage their emotions to navigate the process with focus, hope, and confidence. Divorce can be a beginning, a chance for individuals to redefine their lives and pursue personal growth. Individuals can move towards a brighter future by approaching divorce as an opportunity for transformation.

Divorce is a difficult process.

Divorce is a difficult process that can significantly impact individuals and families. This is evident in a podcast transcript where the speaker shares their experience of going through a divorce and their emotional challenges. The speaker describes their initial reluctance to consider divorce, as they wanted to make their marriage work. However, when trust was lost, they realized that staying in the marriage was no longer an option.

One of the main emotions the speaker discusses is guilt. They feel guilty about the divorce’s impact on their children, which led them to seek therapy before deciding to leave the marriage. This highlights the emotional turmoil that individuals often go through when contemplating divorce. The guilt can stem from the fear of disrupting the stability of their children’s lives and the desire to provide them with a happy and intact family.

The speaker also emphasizes the importance of seeking therapy or counselling during the divorce process. They describe their therapist as an “emotional mechanic” who helped them navigate their emotions and envision a future beyond the divorce. Therapy provided them with a safe space to process their feelings and clarify their decision.

Another aspect the speaker touches upon is the breakdown of communication in the marriage. They suggest that couples who struggle to communicate effectively should consider couples counselling. This can help them address underlying issues and learn healthier ways to communicate and resolve conflicts. Lack of effective communication can lead to hurtful exchanges and exacerbate the emotional toll of the divorce process.

Throughout the podcast, the speaker emphasizes the importance of making choices prioritizing personal happiness and well-being. They acknowledge that divorce can be a difficult and painful experience, but they also highlight the potential for personal growth and a brighter future. The speaker encourages individuals to view divorce as an opportunity for transformation and to focus on being a happy role model for their children.

In conclusion, divorce is a difficult process that involves a range of emotions, including guilt, sadness, and fear. It requires individuals to navigate complex legal and emotional terrain. However, by seeking support, such as therapy or counselling, individuals can better manage their emotions and make choices that prioritize their happiness and well-being. Divorce can be a chance for personal growth and the pursuit of a brighter future.

Divorce is a complex process.

Divorce is a complex process that affects individuals on multiple levels. It is not simply the end of a marriage, but also a significant life transition that involves legal, emotional, and financial considerations. This podcast transcript highlights the intricacies of divorce and offers insights into various aspects of the process.

One of the first points mentioned is the importance of exploring different dispute resolution methods, such as negotiation, mediation, and collaborative family law. This indicates that divorce is not just a matter of going to court and having a judge make decisions. It involves actively engaging in discussions and finding mutually beneficial solutions.

The transcript also raises the question of the difference between arbitration and litigation. This suggests various ways to approach divorce proceedings, each with its advantages and disadvantages. It emphasizes the need for individuals to understand their options and choose the approach that best suits their situation.

Furthermore, the podcast discusses the impact of divorce on relationships beyond marriage itself. It delves into topics such as preparing for future relationships, avoiding repeating the same patterns, and navigating blended families. This highlights that divorce has far-reaching consequences and requires individuals to consider how it will affect their lives moving forward.

Another important aspect of divorce mentioned in the transcript is the impact on children. The podcast acknowledges that divorce can be particularly challenging for children and emphasizes the need for parents to have conversations about the effects of multiple relationships on their children. This demonstrates that divorce involves not only the couple but also the well-being of their children, requiring careful consideration and communication.

The transcript also emphasizes the complexity of divorce by mentioning the rising divorce rate with each subsequent marriage. This suggests that divorce can become more complicated and challenging as individuals enter into multiple marriages. It raises the question of why this happens and offers the opportunity to explore strategies for avoiding this pattern.

Overall, the podcast transcript highlights the multifaceted nature of divorce. It underscores the need for individuals to approach divorce with care and understanding, recognizing that it involves legal, emotional, and financial complexities. By seeking support, such as therapy or counselling, individuals can better manage their emotions and make choices that prioritize their happiness and well-being. Divorce can be a chance for personal growth and the pursuit of a brighter future.

Choose a therapist carefully for successful therapy.

One key aspect emphasized in the podcast is the importance of choosing a therapist carefully for successful therapy. The hosts discuss how therapy is a relationship, just like any other, and finding the right therapist-client match is crucial. It is acknowledged that even if a therapist is highly skilled and a fine human being, the chemistry between them and the client may not be there. This highlights the need for individuals to take the time to research and interview multiple therapists before making a decision.

The podcast also addresses the issue of seeking therapy from friends who are therapists. Both the hosts agree that this is not advisable, as being a therapist requires a certain amount of emotional detachment and neutrality. When a therapist has a real-world relationship with one or both members of a couple, it becomes challenging to maintain this detachment. Friends may also have their biases and may not provide the best advice. Therefore, it is recommended to seek professional therapists who can provide unbiased guidance.

Another important point discussed in the podcast is the distinction between couples therapy and individual therapy. While personal issues may arise during couples therapy, it is not the place to address them fully. Couples therapy focuses on communication, problem-solving, and addressing issues within the relationship. Individuals with personal issues or concerns are advised to seek their own individual therapy to address those specific issues.

However, the podcast acknowledges that personal issues can influence a relationship and may arise during couples therapy. In such cases, the hosts suggest referring the individuals for their own individual therapy if they are not already in it. This ensures that the individuals can receive the specific help they need to address their personal issues.

Furthermore, the podcast highlights the role of a skilled couples therapist in helping couples separate and divorce well. Divorce can be a highly emotional and contentious process, and a therapist can provide a neutral perspective and help the couple make decisions that are in the best interest of their children and themselves. By supporting the couple through the divorce process, a therapist can help minimize conflict and facilitate a smoother transition into their separate lives.

The podcast also acknowledges that the relationship dynamics often play out during the divorce. Whether it is controlling behaviour, anger, or attention to detail, these dynamics can intensify during the divorce process. Therefore, having a therapist who understands these dynamics and can help navigate them can be beneficial for both parties involved.

In conclusion, the podcast transcript emphasizes the importance of choosing a therapist carefully for successful therapy. It highlights the need for individuals to find a therapist who is a good match for them and their specific needs. It also underscores the importance of seeking professional therapists rather than relying on friends for therapy. Additionally, the podcast discusses the distinction between couples therapy and individual therapy, emphasizing the need for individuals to address their personal issues separately. Lastly, the podcast recognizes the role of a skilled couples therapist in helping couples navigate the divorce process and minimize conflict. Overall, the transcript provides valuable insights into choosing the right therapist for successful therapy.

Conflict avoidance hinders communication.

Conflict avoidance hinders communication. This is a key theme discussed in the podcast transcript. The transcript highlights how conflict-avoidant couples during their marriage may struggle to recognize and address the feelings and thoughts that lead to conflict. These issues become apparent only when they enter the divorce process. The lack of skills in processing difficulties and disagreements can make divorce difficult for these couples.

The podcast suggests that seeking therapy can benefit couples going through a divorce. However, it also acknowledges that therapy is not always necessary for everyone. Divorce itself is not a disorder or a disease but rather an event or process in people’s lives. Individuals need to gather a support system, including family and friends, to help them navigate the challenges of divorce. While a therapist can be a part of this support system, it is not always a requirement.

The podcast also addresses some couples’ fears about going to therapy. They worry that once they start talking, everything will blow up and become even more difficult. While this can happen, the podcast reassures listeners that nothing in therapy is involuntary. Nobody can make someone talk about something they don’t want to talk about or make them feel something they don’t want to feel. Therapy can bring up scary or anxious feelings, but it is a safe space where individuals can confront and address these issues at their own pace.

The transcript also raises the question of whether better communication skills could have prevented the divorce in the first place. It suggests that couples who lack communication and problem-solving skills can benefit from therapy to improve their marriage and potentially avoid divorce. Effective communication and negotiation skills can help couples address conflicts and make divorce unnecessary.

In cases where divorce is inevitable, the podcast acknowledges that one partner may be ready to move forward. At the same time, the other is in denial or not ready to accept the situation. It is important to respect and give space to the slower-moving partner. Rushing into the divorce process will only cause more conflict and potentially harm the individuals involved. Compromises may be necessary to meet the needs of both parties.

In conclusion, the podcast transcript emphasizes that conflict avoidance hinders communication. Couples who avoid conflict during their marriage may struggle to address their feelings and thoughts that lead to conflict during the divorce process. Seeking therapy can benefit couples going through a divorce, but it is not always necessary. It is important to gather a support system and choose the right therapist to help navigate the challenges of divorce. Effective communication and problem-solving skills can improve the marriage and make divorce unnecessary. Overall, the transcript provides valuable insights into addressing conflicts and improving relationship communication.

Divorce communication is crucial.

Divorce communication is crucial for both the couple and their children. The podcast transcript highlights the significance of open and honest communication during a divorce. It suggests that the differences between the couple that led to the decision to divorce have likely been present for a long time. This emphasizes the importance of addressing and communicating these differences throughout the marriage rather than waiting until the divorce is imminent.

One important aspect of divorce communication is how to talk to children about separation. The transcript emphasizes that it is best if both parents come together to tell the children about the divorce. This shows the children that even though their parents are separating, they can still be civil and cooperative with each other. It reassures the children that both parents still love them and will be there for them.

The transcript also emphasizes the importance of addressing the specific concerns and fears that children may have about divorce. Children often worry about how the divorce will affect their lives, such as giving up their room, moving, or changing schools. It is crucial for parents to listen carefully to their children’s concerns and answer their questions honestly. Reassuring the children that their lives will remain as stable as possible, with minimal disruptions to their routines and relationships, can help alleviate their fears.

Additionally, the transcript highlights the importance of considering the age of the children when communicating about the divorce. It is important to provide children with the information they need to know but not overload them with too much information at once. Age-appropriate explanations and reassurances can help children better understand and cope with the changes that come with divorce.

The transcript also challenges the notion that there is a “better” age for children to understand divorce. It suggests that divorce is difficult for children regardless of age, and there is no ideal time or age for divorce. Waiting until children are older or out of the house is not a valid rationale for timing a divorce. Instead, the focus should be on how parents communicate with their children and provide them with the support and reassurance they need during this challenging time.

Overall, the podcast transcript emphasizes that divorce communication is crucial for the couple and their children. It encourages parents to take responsibility for communicating with their children about the divorce and to do so in a way that respects their needs and vulnerability. By addressing their concerns, reassuring them of their parents’ love and support, and providing age-appropriate information, parents can help their children navigate the challenges of divorce more effectively. Effective divorce communication can significantly impact the well-being and adjustment of both parents and children during this difficult time.

Communicate respectfully during a divorce.

During a divorce, communication is key. Parents need to take the lead in communicating with their children about the changes that are taking place in the family. The podcast transcript emphasizes the importance of parents being the ones to deliver this information, as they are the ones who know their children best and can tailor the conversation to their needs.

One important aspect of divorce communication is doing it together whenever possible. This shows a united front and sends the message to the children that their parents are still a team, even if they are no longer together as a couple. This can provide a sense of stability and reassurance during a time of uncertainty.

It is also important for parents to be mindful of the words they use when communicating with their ex-partner and their children. The transcript highlights the negative impact that impulsive and hurtful words can have on the divorce process. These words can set a negative tone and escalate the conflict, making it more difficult to resolve. Instead, choosing words carefully and considering their long-term effects on divorce proceedings is important.

The transcript also emphasizes the need to be mindful of the amount of information shared with children. When children hear the word “divorce,” it can be overwhelming and difficult to process. Therefore, it is important to provide information in an age-appropriate and not overwhelming way. Giving children time to adjust and come to terms with the divorce is essential for their coping and healing process.

Furthermore, parents should avoid disparaging their ex-partner in front of their children. This includes refraining from blaming or badmouthing them. Children should not be caught in the middle of adult issues, and it is important to keep them out of any negative dynamics between parents. This is true even when children are adults themselves. Parents should remember that their children still have parental attachments to both of them, and badmouthing one parent can harm their well-being.

Lastly, the transcript highlights the importance of maintaining a parent-child relationship, even as children grow older. Parents should avoid turning their children into their friends and instead continue to fulfill their role as a parent. This means providing support and guidance rather than seeking validation or agreement from their children regarding negative feelings towards the other parent.

In conclusion, effective and respectful communication is crucial during a divorce. By being mindful of the words they use, providing age-appropriate information, and avoiding negative dynamics, parents can help their children navigate the challenges of divorce more effectively. By prioritizing the well-being of their children and maintaining a respectful co-parenting relationship, parents can create a positive environment for their children to adjust and heal during this difficult time.

A support network is crucial during a divorce.

Divorce is a challenging and emotionally draining process for all parties involved. It is a time of significant change and upheaval, and individuals going through a divorce often feel overwhelmed and unsure of how to navigate the situation’s complexities. One crucial aspect of getting through a divorce successfully is having a strong support network.

The podcast transcript highlights the importance of having a support network during a divorce. The speakers discuss the need for emotional and practical support from friends, family, and coworkers. They emphasize the value of having someone to lean on, someone who can provide a listening ear, offer a shoulder to cry on or be there to distract and support them.

Having a support network is especially important during a divorce because it can help individuals feel less alone and isolated. Going through a divorce can often lead to feelings of loneliness and abandonment, as individuals may have lost their partner and feel disconnected from their usual social circles. Having friends, family, and coworkers who are there to offer support and understanding can make a significant difference in how individuals cope with the challenges of divorce.

Additionally, having a support network can provide individuals with a sense of validation and affirmation. Going through a divorce can be a time of self-doubt and questioning, and having people who believe in and support them can help individuals feel more confident and secure in their decisions. It can also help individuals avoid second-guessing themselves and making decisions based on fear or insecurity.

The speakers in the podcast also mention the importance of not using friends and family as therapists. While it is essential to have a support network, it is equally important to recognize the limitations of these relationships. Friends and family can offer emotional support and a listening ear, but they are not trained professionals. It is crucial to seek out the help of experts, such as parenting experts or therapists, who can provide guidance and support in a more structured and professional manner.

Another valuable aspect of having a support network during a divorce is the opportunity for individuals to connect with others who have gone through similar experiences. Hearing stories and advice from people who have been through a divorce can provide individuals with a sense of hope and reassurance. It can also offer practical tips and strategies for navigating the challenges of divorce and co-parenting.

In conclusion, having a support network is crucial during a divorce. It provides emotional and practical support, helps individuals feel less isolated, and offers validation and affirmation. While friends and family can be a valuable part of this support network, it is essential to recognize the need for professional guidance and expertise. By surrounding themselves with a strong support network, individuals going through a divorce can find the strength and resilience to navigate the challenges and become stronger and more empowered.

What Should I Do Now Podcast

 

Podcast Highlights:

• 00:00:39 Divorce can be a beginning.
• 00:05:09 Divorce is emotionally challenging.
• 00:11:13 Divorce is a difficult process.
• 00:19:59 Finding a good couples therapist.
• 00:21:19 Choose the right therapist.
• 00:30:03 Importance of communication in divorce.
• 00:32:28 Importance of communicating with children
• 00:37:08 Be mindful of communication during divorce.
• 00:45:02 Support network is crucial.

 

The What Should I Do Now podcast is an informative resource for individuals going through a divorce. Hosted by Deborah Moskovich, the podcast aims to provide support and guidance to those navigating the complexities of divorce. Throughout the podcast, Moskovich shares valuable insights and advice, making it a valuable resource for anyone going through a divorce.

One of the reasons why the Smart Divorce podcast is informative is because it covers a wide range of topics related to divorce. Moskovich addresses various aspects of the divorce process, including legal considerations, financial implications, and emotional well-being. By discussing these topics in depth, the podcast provides listeners with a comprehensive understanding of what to expect during a divorce and how to navigate the challenges that may arise.

Additionally, the podcast features guest experts who provide further insights and expertise. This adds credibility to the information shared on the podcast and ensures that listeners receive accurate and reliable advice. Including guest experts also allows for a more well-rounded perspective on divorce, as different professionals bring their unique insights and experiences to the table.

Furthermore, the What Should I Do Now podcast offers practical tips and strategies for individuals going through a divorce. Moskovich provides actionable advice that listeners can implement in their own lives, whether it be in terms of legal strategies, financial planning, or emotional well-being. This practical approach ensures that the podcast is not just informative but also helpful in a tangible way.

Moreover, the podcast fosters a sense of community and support for individuals going through a divorce. Moskovich creates a safe space for listeners to share their experiences and emotions, and she offers empathy and understanding throughout the episodes. By addressing the emotional aspects of divorce, the podcast acknowledges individuals’ challenges and guides how to cope with them.

In conclusion, the What Should I Do Now podcast is an informative resource for individuals going through a divorce. Through its comprehensive coverage of various divorce-related topics, including guest experts, practical tips, and emphasis on emotional well-being, the podcast provides valuable support and guidance. By listening to the Smart Divorce podcast, individuals can gain the knowledge and tools they need to navigate the challenges of divorce and become stronger and more empowered.

Final Thoughts

The end of a marriage is never easy; it’s a life-altering decision that many people grapple with. It’s a time of emotional turmoil, often involving issues of child custody, property division, and the need to consult a family law attorney. However, it’s important to remember that every marriage has its own unique dynamics and challenges.

Domestic violence, emotional abuse, and a lack of sexual intimacy are clear signs that a marriage might be in trouble. These serious issues require immediate attention, often involving professional help such as a marriage counsellor or mental health professional.

In Toronto and across the nation, the divorce rate is a testament to the fact that marriages end for various reasons. It could be due to a lack of sexual desire, spending too much or too little time alone, or even the intrusion of someone else into the relationship.

Social Media and other sources provide a stark visual reminder of these realities. Yet, amidst the turmoil, there is a chance for a new life. You may find that letting go of a relationship that no longer serves you puts you in a better place mentally and emotionally.

It’s crucial to spend time healing and rebuilding after a divorce. This could mean seeking therapy, focusing on your mental health, or simply making time for yourself. It’s about finding a new rhythm and way to relate to one another, especially if children are involved.

In conclusion, while the end of a marriage is a difficult journey, it’s also an opportunity for growth and new beginnings. It’s about recognizing the signs, whether 11 signs, 13 signs, or more, and taking the necessary steps toward a healthier future.

So, as you navigate this challenging time, remember to take care of yourself, seek the right help, and look forward to the new life that awaits you after this life-altering decision. After all, the end of one thing signifies the beginning of another.

At The Smart Divorce

We understand the emotional turmoil you’re going through. The realization that your marriage is over can be overwhelming, and it’s natural to feel lost and uncertain about the future. You’ve landed on this page because you’re seeking guidance, and we want you to know that you’re not alone.

Our team of professionals has helped countless individuals navigate this challenging phase of life. We know the questions racing through your mind, the fears that keep you awake at night, and the hopes you have for a better tomorrow. We’ve seen it all and are here to tell you there is a way forward.

We believe in empowering you with knowledge and tools to make informed decisions about your future. Our approach is not about winning or losing; it’s about finding the best path forward for you and your family. We’re here to help you understand your options, manage the emotional rollercoaster, and, ultimately, guide you toward a smarter, healthier, and more amicable divorce.

We invite you to take the first step toward your new future. Schedule a Get Acquainted Call with us. This is a no-obligation conversation where we can learn more about your situation and discuss how we can support you during this time. You don’t have to face this alone. Let us be your guide on this journey.

Schedule a Get Acquainted Call

Remember, it’s not about ending a chapter but about starting a new one. At The Smart Divorce, we’re here to help you turn the page with confidence and grace.”