Divorce is undoubtedly one of the most challenging and emotionally charged experiences a person can go through. For couples facing the prospect of separation, it’s vital to explore avenues that prioritize an amicable resolution, such as mediation or collaborative law. However, for some couples, litigation becomes an inevitable reality. In this blog post, we will explore the insights shared by renowned family law judge, Justice Harvey Brownstone, on the challenges and realities of going to court for a divorce. By highlighting the importance of understanding the court process and exploring alternative dispute resolution methods, we aim to provide Couples going through separation and divorce with valuable guidance during this difficult period.
The Unpredictability of Court Proceedings
When a couple decides to go to court for their divorce, they must brace themselves for a difficult and unpredictable process. Presenting evidence and arguments effectively is crucial, as judges make decisions based on what can be proven, not personal feelings or emotions. However, family judges may not have a complete understanding of the intricacies of family dynamics. The potential consequences of allowing a stranger to make significant decisions for your family cannot be underestimated. It is essential for couples to assess whether certain matters truly belong in court and consider alternative methods of resolution.
The Impact on Families and Children
Litigation in family court
has repercussions that go beyond the immediate settlement. Not only is the process expensive due to lawyer fees and waiting times, but it can also have a negative impact on the mental and emotional well-being of both parents and children. Custody and access disputes, intensified by litigation, often result in one parent losing a relationship with their children. Judges like Justice Harvey Brownstone understand the significance of these consequences and emphasize that the best interests of the children should always be the priority in court proceedings. Refocusing on the children and approaching the divorce as a business decision can help minimize conflict and create a healthier environment for all involved.
Interview with Justice Harvey Brownstone
Deborah Moskovitch and Steve Peck engage in an informative conversation with Justice Harvey Brownstone. The discussion revolves around understanding the dynamics of family law and what goes on inside the courtroom. Brownstone, having considerable experience in family law matters, was appointed to the bench in 1995, making him an authoritative figure in the area. He shares valuable insights on the matter, refusing to limit the conversation to mere litigation specifics.
Justice Brownstone was a sitting judge in Canada and the host of the TV show “Family Matters with Justice Harvey Brownstone.” He is known for his expertise in family law and his dedication to educating the public about the court process.
Podcast Description
Join co-hosts Deborah Moskovitch and Steve Peck in this critical series as they delve into the complexities of divorce and its subsequent aftermath. Featuring expert insights from Judge Harvey Brownstone, this series encompasses all areas of the divorce process, from conflict resolution and legal battles, to the profound emotional toll it takes on divorced couples and their children.
As Judge Brownstone said, “Some matters don’t belong in court. You’re letting a stranger make decisions for your family. That judge doesn’t know who you are, what your children are capable of. They don’t know who like your parenting abilities. They really don’t know anything. It’s all subject to what they read in an affidavit and whether or not they read that statement.”
Throughout this series, we aim to address a variety of pressing questions such as: What leads to divorce litigation? How does divorce impact families? What are the implications of internet relationships on divorce? How are children affected during and after the divorce process? And why is choosing the right lawyer a crucial aspect of this journey?
Join us on this enlightening journey as we navigate the discourse of separation and legal proceedings, review alternatives to litigation and most importantly, discuss the essence of shielding children from the conflicts emerging out of this distressing battle. Whether you’re contemplating divorce, in the process, or coping with its aftermath, this is an unmissable guide to understanding the
Podcast Highlights
- Factors that lead to divorce litigation
- Impact of litigation on families
- Importance of choosing the right lawyer
- Avoiding court whenever possible
- Understanding the dynamics of family law
- Judge Harvey Brownstone’s book ‘Tug of War’
- Proper divorce proceedings and lawyer-client relations
- Realistic expectations in family court cases
- High conflict divorce and protecting children
- Impact of divorce on children
- Alternative dispute resolutions to litigation
- Use and misuse of protection orders in divorce cases
- Privacy within divorces and full financial disclosure
- Appealing divorce rulings and self-representation
- Rising number of conflict-laden breakups from internet relationships
- Caution when forming relationships online
- Court processes and impact of family disputes on children
- Judge Harvey Brownstone’s charitable endeavors
About Divorce and Litigation:
Why do most divorces end in mediation rather than litigation?
Most divorces end in mediation because it is a more amicable and cost-effective way to resolve conflicts. Litigation is seen as a last resort because it is expensive, time-consuming, and often leads to high-conflict situations.
Why did the host of the podcast end up in litigation?
The host ended up in litigation because the emotions were high and there was a lack of full financial disclosure from the other party. When one party is not forthcoming with information, going to court becomes necessary to ensure a fair resolution.
What are the drawbacks of going to court for divorce?
Going to court for divorce can have negative impacts on the family, especially when it comes to custody and access issues. Studies have shown that the dropout rate for the non-custodial parent is high in high-conflict litigation cases. Additionally, the cost of litigation can be exorbitant, with individuals spending thousands or even hundreds of thousands of dollars on lawyers’ fees.
Why do some people choose to go to court for divorce?
Some people choose to go to court for divorce because they are angry and want a platform to be heard. They may feel that litigation will give them a sense of justice and allow them to air their grievances. However, it’s important to note that the legal brand of justice may not align with one’s personal brand of justice.
What factors should someone consider when looking for a lawyer for a litigated divorce?
When looking for a lawyer for a litigated divorce, it’s important to consider their expertise in trials and litigation. Different lawyers have different approaches, such as collaborative law or settlement orientation. It’s crucial to find a lawyer who aligns with your specific needs and goals for the divorce process.
What should someone do if they feel they can’t afford the best lawyer for their litigated divorce?
If someone feels they can’t afford a high-end lawyer for their litigated divorce, they should take the time to do their research and interview multiple lawyers. By doing their due diligence, they may be able to find a lawyer who meets their needs and budget. It’s essential not to settle for a lawyer who doesn’t provide adequate representation or support.
Why might someone not be in the right mindset to make decisions at the beginning of the divorce process?
When someone is blindsided or in denial about their divorce
What are some reasons why matters don’t belong in court?
Some matters, such as co-parenting decisions and communication issues, are better resolved through mediation or collaborative divorce rather than in a courtroom setting.
Why should someone avoid letting a stranger make decisions for their family?
Judges in court are unfamiliar with your family dynamics, parenting abilities, and the unique needs of your children. Leaving important decisions to a stranger can lead to outcomes that may not be in the best interest of your family.
Is there certainty in the outcome when going to court?
No, there is no certainty in the outcome when going to court. It’s important to understand this and work closely with your lawyer to assess the potential outcomes and anticipate any stumbling blocks towards success.
Why do people have unrealistic expectations when it comes to court cases in divorce?
Many people believe that a court case will validate or vindicate their position and make them feel like the victim in the relationship.
Can litigants expect someone to confess or admit wrongdoing in court?
Litigants should not expect their ex-partner to confess or admit wrongdoing in court, as this rarely happens.
Why is fault not relevant in divorce cases?
Fault is not relevant in divorce cases because divorce laws focus on moving forward and creating parenting plans or settling financial issues, rather than assigning blame.
Can negative marital conduct impact parenting decisions in court?
Negative marital conduct, like infidelity or abuse, is only relevant in court if it directly impacts the children’s well-being or parenting abilities.
Why is there no winning in family court?
Family court is not about winning or losing; it’s about finding the best solutions for the children and ensuring that the parents can co-parent effectively after the divorce.
How does litigation often harm the children?
Research shows that when parents litigate, the chances of one parent losing a relationship with their children are higher than in mediation or collaborative divorce processes.
How can divorcing partners remove anger and emotional baggage?
It is crucial for divorcing partners to treat the divorce process as a business decision and focus on the objective aspects rather than getting caught up in emotions. They need to be mature and willing to remove personal animosity for the benefit of their children.
How can a judge refocus parents and highlight the seriousness of their actions?
A judge can bring parents back to reality by reminding them that if they continue slinging mud at each other, the judge has the right to decide who they believe. They may even have to consider foster care if both parents are deemed unsuitable for custody.
What is a possible wake-up call for parents involved in custody battles?
A judge may warn parents that if they cannot demonstrate suitable parenting behavior, the judge can involve child protection agencies and potentially place the children in foster care if neither parent is suitable.
How can judges prevent further harm during divorce proceedings?
Judges aim to do no harm and often try to avoid anything that will prolong or aggravate the dispute. They are acutely aware that parents need to be able to co-parent effectively long after the court case is over.
About the Justice Harvey Brownstone’s Book
What is the book Tug of War about?
Judge Harvey Brownstone, the author of the book ‘Tug of War’ and host of ‘Familymatterstv.com’, is interviewed by Deborah Moskovitch and Steve Peck on Divorce Horse Radio. Brownstone’s book advises against litigation in divorce situations and is recommended for anyone contemplating divorce. Besides the book, Brownstone also reaches out to a wider audience through his online show that emphasizes proper divorce proceedings and lawyer-client relations.
The book Tug of War is about the reality of litigating divorce cases and the negative impact it can have on couples going through separation and divorce. It emphasizes the importance of considering alternative dispute resolution methods and provides valuable information and insights for couples navigating the divorce process.
Is the book relevant for individuals going through divorce in different countries?
Yes, the information in Tug of War is relevant for individuals going through divorce in different countries. While the book is based on the Canadian legal system, the principles and considerations it discusses are applicable to divorce cases in various countries and jurisdictions.
Besides the book, what other resources are available for individuals going through divorce?
In addition to the book, Justice Brownstone also hosts an online television show called Familymatters TV. This show provides educational content and helpful information for individuals going through divorce. It covers topics such as mediation, collaborative law, and how to manage your lawyer. The show is accessible to a broad audience and has gained popularity, reaching thousands of people daily.
Do litigants in court treat Justice Brownstone differently after reading his book or watching his show?
Not all litigants have read the book or watched the show, and not all are receptive to the information provided. However, those who have read the book or watched the show may have a better understanding of the divorce process and may be better prepared for what to expect. Litigants may not treat Justice Brownstone differently in court, but they may appreciate the insights and guidance he offers through his resources.
The Reality of Family Court Cases
In a conversation between Deborah Moskovitch, Steve Peck, and Judge Harvey Brownstone, the true nature of family court cases is discussed. Judge Brownstone emphasized that many litigants come to court with the expectation of vindication or validation of their experience. However, this is rarely the case as the court’s focus is to move forward and make decisions based on evidence rather than investigating the personal grievances of the past. The conversation underscores the need for affected parties to have realistic expectations and to prioritize the children’s well-being over a personal vendetta.
Why do people have unrealistic expectations when it comes to court cases in divorce?
Many people believe that a court case will validate or vindicate their position and make them feel like the victim in the relationship.
Can litigants expect someone to confess or admit wrongdoing in court?
Litigants should not expect their ex-partner to confess or admit wrongdoing in court, as this rarely happens.
Why is fault not relevant in divorce cases?
Fault is not relevant in divorce cases because divorce laws focus on moving forward and creating parenting plans or settling financial issues, rather than assigning blame.
Can negative marital conduct impact parenting decisions in court?
Negative marital conduct, like infidelity or abuse, is only relevant in court if it directly impacts the children’s well-being or parenting abilities.
Why is there no winning in family court?
Family court is not about winning or losing; it’s about finding the best solutions for the children and ensuring that the parents can co-parent effectively after the divorce.
How does litigation often harm the children?
Research shows that when parents litigate, the chances of one parent losing a relationship with their children are higher than in mediation or collaborative divorce processes.
How can divorcing partners remove anger and emotional baggage?
It is crucial for divorcing partners to treat the divorce process as a business decision and focus on the objective aspects rather than getting caught up in emotions. They need to be mature and willing to remove personal animosity for the benefit of their children.
How can a judge refocus parents and highlight the seriousness of their actions?
A judge can bring parents back to reality by reminding them that if they continue slinging mud at each other, the judge has the right to decide who they believe. They may even have to consider foster care if both parents are deemed unsuitable for custody.
What is a possible wake-up call for parents involved in custody battles?
A judge may warn parents that if they cannot demonstrate suitable parenting behavior, the judge can involve child protection agencies and potentially place the children in foster care if neither parent is suitable.
How can judges prevent further harm during divorce proceedings?
Judges aim to do no harm and often try to avoid anything that will prolong or aggravate the dispute. They are acutely aware that parents need to be able to co-parent effectively long after the court case is over.
High Conflict Divorce with Judge Harvey Brownstone
In the conversation between Deborah Moskovitch, Steve Peck, and Judge Harvey Brownstone, the theme of high conflict divorce is addressed. Judge Harvey Brownstone explains that most individuals are in severe pain during a divorce, leading to high emotions and potential conflicts. He stresses the importance of distinguishing between a bad partner and a bad parent, and protecting children from the fallout of a messy divorce.
What emotions can fuel high-conflict divorces?
Emotions such as pain, anger, and resentment can fuel high-conflict divorces.
What is the common factor in high-conflict divorces?
The common factor is that both parties are in terrible pain and feeling betrayed.
Do high-conflict divorcing parents struggle to differentiate between a bad partner and a bad parent?
Yes, many high-conflict divorcing parents find it difficult to separate their perceptions of a bad partner from their judgments of being a bad parent.
How do judges view high-conflict divorces involving children?
Judges view these conflicts as child abuse and are concerned about the impact on the children involved.
How did one judge express their concern about a high-conflict divorce?
The judge told the litigating couple that their behavior in court was causing them stress and made them wonder how the children must feel.
Understanding the Emotional Impact of Divorce on Children
In this conversation, Deborah Moskovitch, Steve Peck and Judge Harvey Brownstone discuss how divorce can impact children. They emphasize the importance of handling it in a way that is least harmful to children, and explore alternative dispute resolutions to litigation. Some topics highlighted include the trend of in-court child interviews, the aftermath of parents living together post-divorce under high-conflict conditions, and the necessity of court in cases of domestic violence or lack of communication.
What are the potential negative impacts of divorce on children?
The potential negative impacts of divorce on children can include emotional distress, behavioral problems, academic difficulties, and increased risk of future relationship problems.
How can parents support their children through divorce?
Parents can support their children through divorce by providing reassurance, maintaining consistent routines, encouraging open communication, avoiding conflict in front of the children, and seeking professional help if needed.
Is it necessary for judges to interview children during divorce proceedings?
The guest, Steve Peck, is not a big fan of judges interviewing children. He believes that it can be traumatic for children and prefers using assessments or appointing a lawyer for the child to gather their wishes and preferences.
Can children’s preferences be influenced or swayed during divorce proceedings?
There is a possibility that children’s preferences can be influenced or swayed during divorce proceedings, as they may want to live with the parent they deem easiest to live with. However, it is not fair to children to have them choose which parent they love more.
Is it detrimental for parents to continue living together for economic reasons?
Continuing to live together for economic reasons can be detrimental to both parents and children. High conflict and tension can negatively impact the well-being of children, and the parents’ relationship may not be healthy or model healthy relationship dynamics for the children.
Are there any myths surrounding divorce that contribute to confusion among separating couples?
Yes, there are myths surrounding divorce, such as the fear of being charged with abandonment if a parent leaves the family home. These myths can lead to confusion about custody, access, and decision-making. Seeking advice from a lawyer can help clarify rights and options.
Why is it important for parents to prioritize the best interests of their children during divorce?
The well-being of children post-divorce is directly linked to the well-being of parents. Parents who prioritize their children’s best interests create an environment that promotes healthy development and future relationship success for their children.
Why do some divorcing couples always end up in a battle?
Various factors can contribute to divorcing couples ending up in a battle, such as unresolved conflicts, anger, difficulties in communication, and emotional pain. However, not all divorcing couples end up in a battle, as the majority can find amicable resolutions through negotiation or alternative dispute resolution methods.
Alternatives to Court: Mediation and Collaborative Law
While litigation can be the only option in cases involving domestic violence, mental health issues, or when communication is impossible, couples must explore alternatives to court whenever possible. Mediation, collaborative law, parenting coaches, counselling, and other alternative dispute resolution methods provide an opportunity for a more amicable resolution. These methods emphasize open communication, negotiation, and reaching mutually beneficial decisions, ultimately minimizing the financial and emotional toll of a court battle.
The Power of Mediation in Divorce Cases
Before heading to court, consider the substantial research Dr. Robert E. Emery conducted. Dr. Emery spent 12 years studying high-conflict families who initially entered court due to contested custody hearings. His research distinctly separates two groups: those who chose litigation versus those who opted for mediation.
Key Findings:
- Just 5 hours of mediation led nonresidential parents to maintain more frequent contact with their children even 12 years later.
- When contrasting these results, there’s a noticeable decline in contact post-divorce in the United States.
- Specifically, 28% of nonresident parents who underwent mediation still saw their children every week 12 years later. This is significantly higher than the 9% of those who went the litigation route and the national average of 11%.
For an in-depth review of Dr. Emery’s study, click here.
Prioritizing Our Children: It’s paramount as parents to prioritize our children’s best interests. It might not always be a straightforward path, but it’s an objective we must strive for.
Final Thoughts
Navigating the Ontario family court system can be a daunting task. The family law rules, court dates, and the overall family law court case process are complex and often overwhelming. From the moment you receive your first court date, you are thrust into a world of court clerks, child support claims, and family court proceedings.
Attending family court is not a simple task. It requires a thorough understanding of the family law trial process, the preparation of net family property statements, and a deep dive into the intricacies of the Ontario family court branch. Whether it’s the Superior Court or another Ontario court, every court case requires a high level of preparation and understanding.
Seeking independent legal advice is crucial. One or both parties involved in a family law matter may need to consult with a family lawyer to understand the court order process, child custody laws, and other family law cases. Family lawyers can help you navigate court documents, court forms, and the legal matter.
In the family court process, the first court date is just the beginning. The trial judge, the court staff, and other parties involved in the family cases will be present. An urgent motion may be filed, and legal costs may accumulate. It’s important to be prepared to present evidence, possibly with the help of a duty counsel, to support your claims.
Family law is not a small setting. It encompasses a wide range of issues, from child support to spousal support, and requires a responsible adult to navigate it effectively. A separation agreement, for example, needs to be properly served, and financial statements must be prepared and filed in advance.
The family court process can be a full-time job, with unavoidable delays and outstanding issues that need to be resolved. The continuing record of the case, the temporary order, and the first round of hearings are just the beginning. Parties must be prepared to present their evidence in the courtroom, and in most cases, a trial is necessary to resolve the issues.
Very few people relish the thought of a family law trial. It requires a top-notch parent or party to prepare for possible questions, serve the other party with documents, and represent themselves in court. The trial record, the opening statement, and the final decision are all part of the process.
The Ontario legal system is not always easy to navigate, but with the right support, most people can resolve their family law issues. From filing the initial court forms to preparing for the settlement conference, every step requires careful consideration and preparation.
Remember, the court’s decision is based on the evidence presented, and the court staff is there to help. Whether it’s an emergency situation or a regular court hearing, the court is there to help people resolve their issues. The court order, the witnesses, and the other documents all play a crucial role in the final decision.
In conclusion, the family court process is a journey. It requires patience, preparation, and a deep understanding of the family law rules. Whether it’s a child custody case, a spousal support claim, or any other family law matter, the court is there to help. So, prepare your documents, ask important questions, and be ready to present your case. The family court is there to help you resolve your issues and move forward.
At The Smart Divorce
We understand the emotional turmoil and uncertainty you’re facing. The journey through family court can be overwhelming, filled with complexities and unexpected turns. It’s a path that no one should have to navigate alone.
We know you’ve landed on this page because you seek clarity, guidance, and support. You’re not alone in this journey. We’re here to provide you with the knowledge and understanding you need to navigate this challenging time with confidence.
Our team of professionals has extensive experience in guiding individuals like you through the intricacies of family court. We’re not just about providing information; we’re about empowering you with the tools and resources you need to make informed decisions about your future.
We believe in the power of understanding and preparation. Knowing what to expect in family court allows you to approach the process with less fear and more confidence. But we also understand that every situation is unique, and that’s why we’re here to offer personalized guidance tailored to your specific circumstances.
Don’t face this journey alone. Reach out to us. Let us walk alongside you, providing the support and guidance you need. We invite you to Schedule a Get Acquainted Call with us. This is a no-obligation opportunity for you to share your concerns, ask questions, and learn how we can assist you in navigating your path through family court.
Click here to schedule your call. We’re ready to listen, to understand, and to help you move forward with confidence and peace of mind. At The Smart Divorce, we’re committed to helping you turn a challenging situation into an opportunity for personal growth and new beginnings.
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