Home Alone? Overcoming Post Divorce depression

“It’s the weekend and once again, I am dreading the feeling of being alone.” I hear this sentiment expressed all too often from many divorcées — be it at the beginning of their separation, or from those that have been divorced for years.

Is it possible to embrace the feeling of aloneness and actually do something positive about it? You bet it is.

Why does divorce cause depression?

At the beginning of their separation or divorce, many people often feel abandoned or sidelined by their married friends. I tend to think of it as the “fifth wheel bug”. Don’t worry, it’s not something you catch — but the discomfort is there. The dynamics of socializing often change upon separation and divorce. While the situation of being the odd person out in a couple’s world — a Noah’s Ark society — is not uncommon, it can be unnerving. Suddenly single, it’s at this time in your life when you need the love and support of your friends like never before.

I not only hear about the loneliness frequently from my clients and friends, but experienced this first hand when I was newly separated. Not every couple excludes the single person, but there are lots who do. There are many reasons why the single person is left out, so don’t take it personally. It is easier to fit four or six around a table than three or five. Balanced, even.

To read my full article that appeared in The Huffington Post click on the link below

Is it possible to embrace the feeling of aloneness and actually do something positive about it?  You bet it is.

How do I stop feeling sad after divorce?

Who says you have to celebrate those days the traditional route or the way you celebrated when you were married? If you find yourself alone, create new meaning for these celebrations and enjoy them on your own terms. Here are some tips to get you through these celebrations.

• Make a special effort to take care of yourself physically and emotionally. Don’t try drowning your sorrows with alcohol or food.  Doing anything to excess when you are sad or worried is rarely a smart move.
• Be good to yourself. Go for a manicure or massage, buy a great CD, catch up on your favorite hobby. Treat yourself the way you would treat a good friend or family member.
• If you are feeling overwhelmed and vulnerable, speak with a trusted friend, therapist or someone in your support group.
• Plan ahead. If it looks like you’re going to be spending the time on your own, find an interesting activity or a place to travel so you can be with other people.
• Surround yourself with people, whether from your support network, your family, your church or synagogue. You may even be able to attend a special support group holiday function.
• Contemplate how you would like your life to look like post-divorce and write down what you need to do to get there. Start doing one of those things now.
• Stay in control by making lists of what you need to do and checking each item off as you accomplish it.
• Use any time alone to do the things you’ve been putting off — catching up on paperwork; catching up on sleep; reading the great book that’s been sitting unopened for weeks or months; calling the friend you’ve been meaning to reconnect with.
• If putting on a dinner or party in the family home doesn’t feel right, try doing something for others off site. For example, you could visit a retirement home and read to those whose families can’t be with them during the holidays.
• Continue to make the holidays special for your children. Include them in developing new traditions. Ask them how they would like to celebrate.
• Plan ahead how your children are going to spend the holidays. Avoid the stress of figuring things out last minute. This will give you a sense of comfort, relief and control.
• Be creative and flexible. If your children are not celebrating the holidays with you, think about making another day during holiday time a special day together.
• If your children are going to be with their other parent, phone them and wish them a happy holiday. Let them know that you are thinking about them.
• Don’t make your children feel that they have to take care of you during this special time. Send them the message that the holidays are a special time and you want them to enjoy themselves.
• Spare the occasional good thought for your ex.  Your marriage likely had some good moments. Remembering those times occasionally will help you lift yourself out of your bitterness about your current situation.

Wishing everyone good health, happiness and prosperity; peace and love.

Related posts:

Avoiding Loneliness During the Holidays

Blended Families: Celebrating the Holidays

Holidays Alone and New Traditions

The Smart Way to Celebrate the Holidays

How do I move on after a divorce?

Holidays Alone and New Traditions

Divorce Source Radio’s Steve Peck has a discussion on spending the holidays alone, with DSR The Smart Divorce host, author and divorce consultant, Deborah Moskovitch.

We share our different backgrounds as we discuss Deborah’s experience of being alone during Hanukkah, and Steve’s during Christmas.  We also touch on the difficulty of being newly divorced at other major life events and celebrations.

As the program progresses, we become a bit more philosophical, as we discuss why and how couples fall out of love in the first place.  And we ask the question, “Are those in high conflict divorces actually more in love with their spouses, and soon-to-be exes, than those who divorce with a mutual understanding that they have both simply fallen out of love?”  What do you think?  Write us your thoughts at [email protected] We’d love to hear from you.

To listen, tune in to:

Spending Holidays Alone and Beginning New Traditions

Divorce Source Radio’s Steve Peck has a discussion on spending the holidays alone, with DSR The Smart Divorce host, author and divorce consultant, Deborah Moskovitch. We share our different backgrounds as we discuss Deborah’s experience of being alone during Hanukkah, and Steve’s during Christmas.  We also touch on the difficulty of being newly divorced at other major life events and celebrations.

Contact Sarah at (647) 493-1800 or complete an inquiry form to get help specific to your situation.